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 Post subject: The Legend of Garet
PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 8:09 pm 
Anvil Polisher
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Joined: Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:40 am
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Location: Places that probably don't concern you....
I trudged along the snow looking down. I was very much out of Order 260: Never be unaware. My new partner, Jock, is behind me. I realize he's screaming something so I look up and I'm face to face with an ogre. Not just any ogre, Meat, the roughest toughest ogre ever to exist. Well, don't count out Crusher. He has his axe raised high over his head. He starts to bring it down fast but I am faster. I whip out my knife and stick it in his chest. Now I know I angered him. I turn and ran screaming bloody murder.

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 Post subject: Re: The Legend of Garet
PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 7:55 pm 
Mould Mason
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Interesting! Are we going to see more?

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 Post subject: Re: The Legend of Garet
PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 10:40 pm 
Crucible King
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This is good!

My only nit pick so far is make sure you watch your tenses. In the beginning of the story, it seems past tense:
Quote:
I trudged through the snow
Then it changes to present tense:
Quote:
He has his axe raised

Also, in this one, you used both tenses together:
Quote:
I turn (That ones present) and ran (That ones past.)

Not trying to be mean and point out mistakes, just trying to help you out. Make sure that it stays either past or present, but try not intertwine them. I definitely look forward to more! :)

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 Post subject: Re: The Legend of Garet
PostPosted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 6:07 pm 
Hammer Ace
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Location: Slaying Wyverns somewhere...
Very interesting style of writing! Keep it up!

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 Post subject: Re: The Legend of Garet
PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 11:16 pm 
Chief Smithy
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Nice perspective and I like the idea of an ogre ... what else will be found?

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