Oldielocks and the Grey Hares
Once upon a time in the middle of the tri-shire area there lived a little old lady who loved rabbits. In fact, she kept three of them as pets. Their names were Hopsy, Dropsy, and Gildenstern. But these were no ordinary rabbits, as you may have guessed. These rabbits possessed the uncanny ability of porridge-cooling. Yes, each little rabbit would stand over a bowl of porridge and flap its ears until the contents were quite cool. This amazing news soon got around, and before long people all over the tri-shire area were clamoring to rent the three rabbits and partake of their porridge-cooling services. Oldielocks (for that was the name of the little old lady) was more than happy to provide the people with such a wonderful luxury. It also brought in a pretty good sum of pazoozas, which wasn't bad either. One day, however, business did not proceed as planned.
A certain bear by the name of Bosdo also lived in the tri-shire area. Now, this bear just so happened to be the proprietor of a porridge factory. For some reason, though, the porridge he made was always too hot. So he decided remedy this problem using Oldielocks’ cooling-rabbits. Unfortunately, Bosdo was quite rude and simply took the rabbits when no one was looking instead of waiting his turn and paying like everyone else. The bear stuffed them into an old milk jug and off he ran to his porridge manufactory with the poor rabbits, who had absolutely no idea what was going on. They found out soon enough as Bosdo revealed the rest of his evil scheme.
“You shall cool my porridge for me, little rabbits!” he growled.
“Why?” piped Dropsy, who wasn’t very bright.
“Because,” answered the bear, “it is too hot and no one will buy it.”
“Why do you want people to buy it? You don’t seem too keen on buying yourself.” ventured Hopsy, who talked too much.
“Because, when people try my porridge, they find that it is so bland that they must sweeten it with honey--” Bosdo paused dramatically, “--and when they unlock their honey-cupboard, I take the jar from them!”
The rabbits gasped in horror at this atrocious idea. Bosdo didn’t approve of gasping so he screwed the lid back on the milk jug.
At last they reached the bear’s porridge manufactory.
“Here is the porridge you must cool!” proclaimed Bosdo, as he gestured to a multitude of bowls laid out on the kitchen floor.
And so, the rabbits cooperated, and fanned the porridge with their ears until it was cool. So cool, in fact, that Bosdo’s customers now complained that it was too cold and still wouldn’t buy it.
“It was supposed to be ‘just right’, you thick-headed little rabbits!” roared Bosdo.
“And what do you consider ‘just right’?” queried Gildenstern, who wore a turtleneck sweater.
“The porridge should have a non-threatening degree of warmth.” he replied.
“And if you do not make it right this time--” again he paused dramatically,”--I shall drown all three of you in a bottle of catsup!”
“Be sure it’s the kind that sits on it’s top,” piped Hopsy, who was quickly silenced by the other two rabbits.
Said rabbits, after regaining their composure, gasped in horror at the bear’s wicked pronouncement. Bosdo still didn’t approve of gasping so he went into the next room and played solitaire. Meanwhile the rabbits, who did not have his best interests in mind, plotted the bear’s downfall in the kitchen.
“I say we shove him into the stove,” said Dropsy, who had seen it done in a picture-book.
“Yes, let's,” agreed Hopsy, who agreed to far too many things.
“It will never work,” argued Gildenstern, who wore striped socks on his ears.
“Here he comes, we must do something,” shrieked Hopsy, who apparently did not posses an inside voice.
“Oh, very well. But don’t blame me if you end up in a catsup bottle,” mumbled Gildenstern, who did not think much of condiments.
And so, as soon as Bosdo entered the kitchen, the three little rabbits shoved him headfirst into the stove. Or so they thought. Apparently shoved him into the dishwasher by mistake, for after he had got out, the bear was cleansed of his evil streak and led a blameless life thenceforth. The rabbits, who were all very relieved not to be drowned in catsup bottles after all, were returned to Oldielocks, who convinced the reformed bear to stay with them and help run the business.
They lived happily ever after in this fashion, in case you were wondering.
"Life is what you make of it; so beautiful or so what." - Paul Simon